Thursday, January 01, 2009 

A brand new year and a P-R-O-P-O-S-A-L!

We got back from Hong Kong on 30th December 2008 at midnight. Yesterday, Bubba told me in the evening that we're going out for dinner and rushing to his uncle's place for the countdown with the whole gang (aka his cousins). I was lazy to go and was kicking a fuss because I didn't want to go through the crazy crowds. So I put on my jeans and tshirt and off I went.

After dinner, we took the subway to his uncle's place. I looked over to him after a while and said, we're getting off at Dhoby Ghaut right (because we needed to change trains to get to his uncle's place) and he said 'No, we're getting off at Raffles Place because the gang is meeting there before going back to the uncle's place'.

I didn't have a clue so I went along with it. When we got off at Raffles Place, there was already a buildup of crowd around the area and most of them were walking towards Marina Bay to for the fireworks display. We walked past Fullerton Hotel and that's when he jokingly said "Hey, maybe we should check out this hotel and see if there's a room available". I scoffed at him and said "Yeah right, on New Year eve you expect a vacant room? If there is I'm sure it'll burn a hole in your bank account". He then walked right into the hotel and when I yanked his arm asking him where he's going, that's where he told me that he already booked the room for tonight. Sneaky!! Nowonder he was hiding in the room earlier today for a few hours and leaving me with the TV remote! Hmph. I had no clue at all!!

So we got a room and it was a nice room. I love hotels and their fluffy pillows and beds! Anyway ... he then told me another surprise - that the hotel room package he got also included a private viewing at the roof top of One Fullerton with an unobstructed view of the Marina Bay Fireworks. I was excited!! So we headed down at 11:15pm to get our passes and were given security escort in the underground walkway to One Fullerton. I got the BEST view of the Marina and waited patiently for the fireworks. Then it happened and I'm so glad I got my dSLR with me coz I was busy snapping away while everyone was screaming their heads off!


If only I had a tripod and a remote shutter release the pictures would have turned out nicer but I'm not complaining! It is afterall meant to be a surprise :P There were free flow of Taittinger Champagne during our time there and I don't think I've ever gotten so close to a fireworks display! I could even feel the heat of the fireworks! After all that was done, we headed back to the hotel using the underground walkway meant for hotel occupants and when I got back, the room was dark and I saw candles being lit! So drama. I couldn't help but laughed when I went into the room. Next I saw this ...

Hahaha, and yes I had to snap the picture of this! And while I was busy giggling and snapping photos away, Bubba came around and went on one knee and asked me to marry him. Funnily enough I was still laughing ... I know it's very mean of me but I guess I didn't expect him to carry out such a surprise knowing quite well he's not that kind of person. So I was very touched and happy and of course I said yes.

So that's another chapter to my life ... I'M GETTING MARRIED! ZOMG! :) Happy New Year folks.

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Posted by Snappybug Sheila @ 11:51:00 PM | |

Wednesday, December 24, 2008 

Moving On ...

I've decided that I shall not dwell on what has happened and move on with my life. Thinking and crying buckets will just make me miserable. I'm moving on ... but not without writing a few more things to close this horrible chapter behind me. It's only for my record and nothing more.

After the last post, I found out:
  • Later in the evening that she made a police report on me alleging that I threatened to hit her and get someone to hunt her down on some highway. She claimed she did it because she had no choice and she feared for her safety. What a load of bullshit. Seriously if anyone wanted to hit a person, they would have just done it without even giving that person a warning.
  • And just as I thought things couldn't get any worst, she sent smses to Bubba and Dad informing them that she is forced to make the report. I was angry but I decided to go out and meet up for drinks with some of my close friends to cool off but that didn't work because they noticed the puffy eyes and I shared bits and pieces of the story. Anyway while I was gone, Dad had apparently called her twice and pleaded with her to cancel the report but all she could say was "it's too late". I think my Dad cried a few times and was worried sick and I felt very sad to get him involved.
  • Following day while out running errands with my Dad, I received a call from the cops. Thank god my Malay is still fluent and I spoke and explained with ease. The lady cop on the other line was quite understanding and wanted to know if I had threatened my mom and had uttered those words which I said no. She was a bit of a busybody and wanted to know what happened because she obviously wasn't told what made me so angry. So I decided to play the sympathy card with her and along the conversation, she did agree with me on some points - e.g. if you're a wife and you found your husband coming back at 4am (not once but multiple times) sent home by another woman, wouldn't you be pissed? Anyway that's that ... according to the cops, the report was just for filing purposes and that she wasn't pressing charges.
Now, seriously I thought that was really the last of everything. Not until I found out some discrepancy regarding my birth. To cut the story short, I had a discussion with my Dad and asked if he's agreeable to do a Paternity Test and he said yes. But in a country like Malaysia, it's not something that is readily available. So I decided to consult my family doctor who has seen me since birth. He questioned my rationale for doing such a test and I said I wanted and some form of closure and assurance. He said to me that I'll never get it and instead if the results from the Paternity test comes out otherwise, it may haunt me forever. I explained that doing the test will not change how I feel or love towards my father but he advised me not to touch it simply because either of us may not be able to take it - i.e. when the results are out or even in future. In that clinic, I cried my heart out because of the amount of hurt I have inside me. My doctor who knows me so well for the past 20 odd years consoled me and even asked me to forgive her. I just nodded my head but inside me I had more anger towards her than anything. Sigh .. anyway ...

So with this, I want to close this chapter and move on. It has been very painful 2 weeks and this is something nobody wants to experience. What's more important now is for me to be there for my Dad.

I also want to thank all my close friends who have sent me messages and emails asking me to be strong. You all are the best and I apologise for not replying each and everyone of them but I can assure you that every message is read and I am very thankful that I have such great friends to lean on during tough times.

Maybe it's a test from Him ... and perhaps I should take it as one and seek Him for guidance. I've been praying a lot the past 2 weeks and will probably continue to do so. Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I'm off to Hong Kong on 26th for a break.

Love to everyone!

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Posted by Snappybug Sheila @ 10:28:00 PM | |

Monday, December 22, 2008 

And I thought it was over ...

I thought my life couldn't be more dramatic than it already it. It's almost fucking surreal and I'm thinking this is way too HK drama like. I still can't believe it's happening but I've cried enough to fill a few buckets to know that it's all for real and I'll have to accept it.

In case everyone's wondering what the hell is wrong with me and why my Facebook status seem to be saying morbid things as if I'm about to die soon - the truth is, my family is breaking apart. It's almost like a no brainer and I shouldn't be that all affected by it. As I mentioned in my earlier post, if this happened to me when I was say, 10 years old, I'd grow up being pretty affected by it. So by right now that I'm 28, I should be old enough to accept the facts and move on right? This is not the case.

Nothing hurts me more when I see my own father being hurt. On December 14th when I got that call, a lot of things happened and it was only a matter of time that our suspicions were confirmed to be true. My mother walked out of our lives on that very night citing reasons of 'unhappiness', a reason which is utter bullshit. She said she has been unhappy for several years - so it took her one faithful day out of the 28 years of her marriage to decide that she's unhappy? Give me a fucking break. Initially I decided not to write about this but I'm so angry that I can write whatever I want to let it all out.

When I got back home, the first thing I did the very next morning was to confront her at her office. I did not create a ruckus like what she's been telling the whole world. I went there to seek explanation and all I wanted was the truth. I got none of that. Instead all I heard were more blatant lies and coverups. So naturally I got even more angry and started yelling and slamming my fist on the glass table. When she threatened to get my ass hauled up, I got even more emotional and decided that she's all out to get me and to make sure that my life gets destroyed. So I accused her of covering up the identity of the fucking Dato which sent her home at 4am. I demanded to see him personally, she said No. What fucking choice does that leave me then - I'm only left with more speculation and she's willing to let me speculate and say what I want to say.

On Saturday, my dad sent her a SMS to say that now that the entire family is back, let's have one last talk. She agreed. Only to fucking change her mind again to say 'I do not feel safe. If you want to talk, lets have it at Starbucks Centrepoint'. This is a fucking family problem and you want us to talk in Starbucks? She's a conniving bitch and the only reason why she suggested someplace public was because she KNOWS for a fact that I will blow up and get all emotional and so will my dad - making us look like fools in public. Pa texted her saying 'its the house or nothing. if you don't want to discuss don't waste my time. if you want to bring your bodyguard, bring'. She replied saying she wants to discuss but not at home so we said forget it.

On that very same day, me sis and Pa went out for dinner and when we got back, the maid told us that she EMPTIED her belongings from the house. I got so angry at this point I swear I could have had a stroke from all that anger building up. Then we found out later that she took a Birkin bag which didn't belong to her and I demanded back for it. She said to come collect it the next day - i.e. Sunday.

I went to collect the bag with my sis and in the process I wanted to talk of settlement. During her process of moving all her stuff from the house to her car, she took everything that she can take. She took all the jewelleries which were never even hers to begin with. So I struck a deal with her asking her to either return the jewelleries OR move the half share of the existing house to my sister. That fucking bitch replied 'We'll talk in court'. This is a mother who is fucking bent on hell to ensure we have nothing left ... NOTHING. So I cursed her in public and threw my phone on the floor in a fit of rage. In the process I also called her a slut and a whore for prostituting herself and for leaving the family who has supported her all this while for another man who has way more money than all of us - just so she can continue living the high life. She then replied to all my accusations by saying "I hope you'll take care of Bubba because he's a nice man but I don't think you'll ever make a good wife". This is coming from my own mother - bitch.

I do not regret or wish to retract what I say because it's the truth. Since 19th December 2008, I do not have such a mother and do not wish to have anything to do with her. I will never acknowledge her nor forgive what she has done to my family. Good fucking luck to her in her materialistic world.

I give her 5 fucking years before that face of hers runs out of charming power and she'll then realise she has nothing - no family, no love and no money.

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Posted by Snappybug Sheila @ 5:29:00 PM | |

Saturday, December 20, 2008 

A day of anger and tears

I am home.. I arrived on Thursday night and had a long talk with Pa. He wasn't happy for obvious reasons and he shared with me the questions that has been troubling him for a while now - the same questions that I and sis have been having for the past one year.

On one hand I am wreck with guilt for not sharing with me Pa earlier about my concerns but on another hand I am angry as well.

Today did not start off well. I decided to take matters into my own hands and take charge of all the mess that's been happening. I drove 30km away to set things straight. In that 1 hour conversations, I yelled and screamed so much. Tears kept flowing - they were tears of anger but the person sitting in front of me was very calm. I was in that room crying my heart out and demanding explanations which I never got. I smashed my fist on the glass table and was threatened to be hauled up by security which made me want to rip the entire room apart and break everything I could get my hands on. But I didn't because I knew I was not getting anywhere.

I swore and said a lot of hurtful things. Yes I was emotional but nobody deserves the kind of shit I have to put up with. I got up and walked to the door and on my way out I slammed a few more doors and threatened to punch the doctor if he comes my way.

I am still a wreck. I have had enough of crying. I need to be strong for other people as well so I can't crumble so easily. What has been said is done and I am not proud of what I did. I have a tinge of guilt but my anger just overrides all of it.

Posted by Snappybug Sheila @ 12:58:00 AM | |

Sunday, December 14, 2008 

Phone Call at 4:15am ...

I haven't had much sleep this whole week due to work. I thought of getting some sleep yesterday when I went to bed but I was woken up by a phone call in the middle of the night. I thought I had just fallen asleep not too long ago until I crawled my way to my phone and picked it up and saw "Mum" flashing on the phone. It was 4:15am.

When I answered, all I heard was hollering, sobbing and lots of tears. In a split second, lots of things ran through my mind and the first was my dad. I wasn't prepared and I think I dread getting such calls in the middle of the night considering how far away I am from home. But what I heard over the phone made me very unprepared for what there was to come and I guess all that dreaded feeling that I've been having all this while over my parents have come true at that very hour.

Mum was hysterical and was driving when she called. I wasn't happy at certain things she told me but given that I'm the eldest, I shouldn't be picking sides although I have made up my mind who's really at fault. Life can be a real bitch when it hits you and I'm feeling it. I cried so much yesterday over what's happened .... so much that at one point I needed my inhaler to calm me down. Mum called me again to tell me the 'story' ... a 'story' which I find hard to believe but at the same time she is my mother. At one point she was begging me to not hate her if they go their separate ways. I was numb. I had no reaction to that other than more tears flowing. I expected it to happen but I had a hope in me that they would work things through. I'm already 28, by right I shouldn't be that affected if such a thing were to happen say if I was 12.

After I hung up, I called my dad to hear his side of the story but by then I was already a wreck. I was crying uncontrollably. He explained to me in a tone filled with lots of anger and his voice cracked later by saying he felt useless, hopeless and like a prisoner trapped in his own house. He wants to leave but don't know where or how and he doesn't want to leave the dog. I felt broken at this point because I'm not at home to sort things out and neither is my sister. And I can't take an immediate flight home as I'm due to take my annual break on 18th and I've yet to handover.

Later, I pleaded with both parties over SMS to stop arguing and that I will come back to sort things out. It's not easy and I really saw this coming ever since I relocated countries. Past 6 months have been the toughest for me having to deal with numerous calls, tears and angry exchange of words from both side accusing each other of some wrongdoing. I've had enough and I'm going to decide what's best for the both of them even though its going to be the toughest and unpopular decision that I've made.

Being the eldest has its price and this is one. Sometimes I wish I can go further away from all this shit but I obviously can't because I still care a lot for my father. I've been crying since 4am and had very little sleep. I just hope they stop fighting at least until I come back, not that I want them fight anymore...

Sigh. And yesterday was suppose to be the happiest day of my life but that happiness has taken a backseat now.

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Posted by Snappybug Sheila @ 2:44:00 PM | |

Wednesday, November 05, 2008 

US Presidential Election

Today is a brand new day .. and the American people has spoken!

Haha, anyway thought I'd update on what I overheard and discussed about earlier today about this topic.

Scene 1: Elevator
Person A: So who are you rooting for as the next President?
Person B: Oh without a doubt Obama
Person A: Ahh, you must like his ideologies/policies?
Person B: No, that's not really the point .. I wouldn't vote for McCain because I don't know how long he'll last in office. He may just die in office coz he's so old already.

Scene 2: Small talk with a colleague

Colleague: So who's your man in this race?
Me: Obama!
Colleague: What?! You support him?
Me: Why not?
Colleague: Supporting Obama is like having a Chinese/Indian Prime Minister for Malaysia.

I was floored with that kind of remark in the second scene. I'd never expect someone educated and that level of seniority speak like that. Shows how shallow the world is today. I had nothing more to say to him after that other than to dismiss him as someone the society can do away with. Like seriously, when has race or colour ever come into play in determining a Prime Minister/President? Race-based politics should have never even started in the first place. Needless to say, I was very appalled by that kind of remark.

Anyway, I'm very happy Obama won. CHANGE is happening! Woohoo

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Posted by Snappybug Sheila @ 9:05:00 PM | |

About me

  • I'm Snappybug Sheila
  • From Malaysia
  • A fat turd who wishes to have a complete makeover with fats sucked out of her (seriously!). Lives in a land glorified for its food, a workaholic who doesn't smile much (if at all) and in dire need of a mouth lift. Loves photography but hates taking pictures of herself except for the odd times when she'd look so slim and beautiful. She has no self-esteem issues, just discriminated in the land where there are too many skinny women and good food and clothes in size 10 and below. Welcome to her world ...
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